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2023.10 NYACP Newsletter Fall 2023 |
NYACP NEWS ~ Fall 2023Volume 5, Issue 4 In this Issue President's Message A MESSAGE FROM OUR 2023 NYACP PRESIDENT
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Membership Committee Sub Committee: Events (Chair) Michelle Lewis [email protected]
From the results of the Board phone survey conducted with our members in April, we discovered that some members expressed confusion about the difference between Pods and SGCPs (Support Groups for Collaborative Professionals) so we thought it was time to clarify this issue.
Pod meetings take place on a monthly basis and are regionally based (NYC, LI, Northern Westchester) but are open to all members, regardless of where you practice. These meetings involve presentations and discussions of topics related to Collaborative Practice conducted by outside speakers or members. Many meetings are still held virtually, while others may be in person. We encourage your participation. If you have a presentation topic or would like to be a presenter on a particular topic, feel free to contact the pod leaders that are listed. Although many meetings were halted during the Summer, they are back up and running, so see the calendar on our website to ensure you don’t miss out! Check your email for specific information about what each Pod is doing and RSVP to attend as many of these meetings as you would like.
The NYC Pod is now hosting a meeting the second Tuesday of every month, from 8:30-9:30a.m. - Contact Judith Stein, j[email protected].
The LI Pod meets the first Tuesday of the month from 8:15-9:30 a.m. - Contact Neil Cahn, [email protected]
The Northern Westchester Pod meets every third Wednesday, 9:00am-10:00 a.m - Contact Melissa Goodstein, [email protected].
On September 12, 2023, the NYC pod, led by Judy Stein, facilitated a great conversation about managing burnout. Fall and early January are traditionally times when our practices begin to pop with new clients emerging and long-lost clients anxious to finish (yesterday, of course). After the relative quietude of the summer or the holidays, the contrast (though welcome) can be a bit overwhelming. And if not well managed, it can lead to burnout.
We shared cautionary tales about how burnout has shown -up for us, sometimes “creeping up on us” when we did not even recognize it until it is overwhelming, what causes these feelings, and what unique and creative self-care steps we take to manage. It was great to share our challenges and triumphs during this meeting and help each other to approach these circumstances perhaps better and differently. Some tips that were shared were things such as doing things to recalibrate, whether it was taking a walk out in nature or others and at times more rigorous forms of exercise, sharing, networking and brainstorming with collogues, having fun (outside of business) with colleagues, friends, and family, and most importantly, finding strength and solace in community, whatever that looks like for you.
On Wednesday, September 20, 2023 9:00am-10:00a.m. the Northern Westchester Pod presented a conversation with John Doherty and Alan Dubow, Facilitated by Melissa Goodstein and Margaret Nicolson.
John Doherty who leads the Real Estate Department and Alan Dubow presented an hour-long discussion regarding the basics of holding title and the real estate transfer tax implications in divorce-related transfers of real property. Alan and John delved into the New York State and New York City transfer tax provisions, examined the relevant forms that are required to be recorded with a deed transferring title, and discussed the issue of proper consideration, and the responsibility of the transferor spouse to pay the tax. They also discussed the City Tax transfer requirements and costs for Westchester localities such as Yonkers and Mt. Vernon which levy an additional transfer tax to the New York State transfer tax. Additionally, they provided information on the practical drafting effects of the provisions we place in Settlement Agreements to best protect our clients. There was a lively Q&A and we resolved that the issues were so important to us as Matrimonial Attorneys that a longer program would be in order in the near future.
Support Groups for Collaborative Practice (“Groups”) are a unique and important benefit that the NYACP offers its members. Our voluntary facilitators are the cornerstone of the Groups and NYACP is grateful for the role they play in helping our members refine their skills and grow their collaborative practices.
As facilitators change, as spaces within Groups open, and as new Groups are formed, it is important for the facilitators to understand what constitutes best practices in running their group. This not only allows the facilitators take a lot of guesswork out of their role, but also provides NYACP members with a similar experience regardless of the Group to which they are assigned.
During 2021, the existing SGCP facilitators were asked to discuss and provide feedback about how they run their current Groups, what was working well, and what could use improvement. A workgroup made up of Peg Clark, Ellen Jancko-Baken, Barbara Rothberg, Bob Raymond, and Andrea Vacca met to distill what we heard and turn the feedback into best practices.
These Guidelines are the result of that work:
Founding Principles
NYACP established these Groups for the purpose of refining members’ collaborative practice skills through group discussion, self-reflection, feedback, acquired insight, and new information obtained from group participation.
Group Scheduling and Attendance
• Monthly meetings occur on a consistent and regularly scheduled day and time. Usually for 1.5 hours at a time.
• Groups meet for two 5-month semesters, September- January and February – June.
• Group size ranges from 8-12 members, including two facilitators.
• When NYACP members are assigned to a Group they commit to attend all meetings for their entire duration, with an allowance of 1 absence in each 5-month cycle. If members need to arrive late or leave early, they need to let the facilitators know in advance.
• This attendance requirement is meant to encourage consistency and the building of trust among colleagues. Once the membership of a Group is established, it is closed. This reinforces trust and sharing of sensitive matters.
Vacancies
• If there will be vacancies in the Group, the facilitator should let the Executive Director know so that they can offer the seat to other NYACP members who are waiting to join a Group.
• On occasion, new Groups will need to be formed and new facilitators chosen. Existing facilitators will be asked if anyone in their groups might be a good fit to serve in such a role.
Confidentiality
Confidentiality is imperative. What’s said in the Group stays in the Group.
If, and when, Group members discuss working relationships with colleagues, neither names nor easily identifying characteristics are mentioned.
Structure of Meetings
Each Group has its own developmental cycle. Many have started off concretely where actual or hypothetical cases are the topics of discussion and, over time, they become more focused on the feelings and emotions of the professionals as they engage in the collaborative process.
Facilitators are encouraged to structure their meetings in a way that best meets the needs of their members. Some Groups are run with more structure, some with less. This may mean in some Groups members are encouraged to spontaneously bring up issues and challenges. In others, facilitators ask members to let them know in advance if they
wish to initiate discussion on a certain topic. Some Groups use role play or discussion of hypothetical fact patterns. Other Groups focus on emotional reactions that occur when working with challenging clients or situations and encourage journaling.
The facilitators of each Group can choose whether to participate as any other member would participate, or to maintain a strict facilitator role.
Focus of Discussions
In all Groups, facilitators need to stay attuned to what is happening to keep discussions on track and encourage participation of all members.
While the aim of each Group is to focus on Collaborative cases, some Groups may at times discuss overlapping issues that occur in mediation or parent coordination cases. While litigation cases may come up, facilitators are encouraged to move the conversation back to issues that arise in collaborative cases.
Support Groups for Collaborative Professionals (SGCP) are generally closed groups that are also regionally based. The same group of members meet once a month to discuss cases or address topics. This is an opportunity to connect with other practitioners in a deeper way and learn from each other. These are also geographically based and occur virtually although members may have occasional times when they meet in person. If you are interested in joining an SGCP group the best time to do so is in the fall so contact the group leader in the summer.
Support Groups are as follows:
Lower Westchester - Steve Kaplan [email protected] and Ellen Jancko-Baken [email protected] are leaders. Meetings are on the second Tuesday of the month from 5:30-6:30
Northern Westchester - Meg Sussman [email protected] and Melissa Goodstein, Esq.
The Mental Health Process Group is open to any NYACP Mental Health Professional member. Our next group meeting is July 18, 2023. If you are interested in joining, please contact Bob Raymond, [email protected] or Jeffrey Steiger, [email protected].
During the last meeting in October, your Mental Health Professionals (MHPs) discussed how thrilled that they are having on going contact with the other MHP’S in our membership. We have not only realized our desire for connection, but our discipline continues to share really valuable insights and ideas about how we do our work. This has been so important since we have faced some significant challenges a long the way.
Bob opened the meeting by sharing some ideas that came from a training he attended at IACP called “Bargaining in the Shadow of the Heart”. It was led by Stephen Salmeyer, an attorney and psychologist from California. He shared that Dr. Salmeyer spoke about the importance of allowing room for our clients to articulate their feelings as they go through the divorce process. He feels that there is great value in including their emotional experience at the full team meetings and that this can very much inform the negotiation process. While we all recognize the value of this, we spoke about our challenges doing this at times when these meetings can be so expensive and for some it can lead to a great deal of reactivity. We continue to talk about our role on the team and how we navigate the dynamics .
We hope to see all of you at our next meeting (November 28th @7:45 am) and if you find that you are unable to attend, we would appreciate a heads up!
The Training and Education Committee develops and implements interdisciplinary programs for all professionals supporting our work in the collaborative process. This includes periodic advanced collaborative practice trainings averaging once a month from Sept to June every year for all professionals by non -members and members, basic collaborative divorce training for prospective new members by members annually or every other year and annual day of collaborative process training and annual meeting in December. The committee is given a budget approved by board on an annual basis and programs are designed to enable members to achieve excellence in collaborative practice. The committee strives to provide trainings in response to membership interests and topical issues relative to our collaborative practices. Trainings take place at locations in NYC, Westchester and on Long Island, with location and platform for a particular training taking into consideration preferences of trainers, sponsors, likely attendees, cost and other factors. The Committee meets monthly September-June on the first Thursday of the month from 12 to 1pm via Zoom.
Contact: Melissa Goodstein (Co-Chair) [email protected] or Anthony C. Markus (Co-Chair) [email protected]
Committee Members: Ivan Alter, Kathleen Donelli, Michael McLaughlin, Katherine Miller, Ken Novenstern, Meg Sussman
The Committee organized its most recent presentation on Friday September 29, from 12-1 p.m., entitled "Fearless Feedback: How to Structure Debriefs to Deepen Collaborative Skills"
Debriefs in the Collaborative Law process are essential for learning about best practices and moving toward successful outcomes. Sharing feedback with our colleagues can be one of the richest opportunities for professional development, team building and fine-tuning of the collaborative process. A panel of professionals from the IACP Leadership Institute presented this excellent interactive workshop, using demonstrations and group discussions to explore why and how we might design and implement regular professional debriefs into our collaborative work.
Meet the panel:
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I was asked to provide some context as to why the Racial Equity Committee has a mission to support NYACP members to understand the impact of systemic racism on each of us both personally and professionally versus (perhaps) a more generalized mission to increase "diversity" and awareness about a larger swath of marginalized populations. In short, I was asked to explain why the Committee is focusing on race (as opposed to also focusing on LGBTQ, differently abled, etc. populations).
Soon after George Floyd's murder in May 2020, and with the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, and the wave of discussion about systemic racism in this country, I was contacted by then-President, Andrea Vacca, asking me to chair the new committee NYACP was forming to address potential inequities and to essentially be accountable, as many organizations (and individuals) were doing in light of this tragic murder.
While the original name of the committee was the "Diversity" Committee, it became clear after some discussion amongst the original members of the committee that this title was not an accurate reflection of our mission and goals and so the name was changed to "Racial Equity" Committee.
The reality of the systems of racism that imbue every strata of US society and have impacted black people in ways that no other marginalized group have been impacted, are at the root of why our focus is what it is.
Given that we are an overwhelmingly white organization based in NYC, one of the most diverse cities in the world, there appears to be a strong interest in changing our demographics. However, in order to do so we must first "set the table" by increasing our members awareness of our lack of understanding and then to offer opportunities to educate to increase that understanding. The Racial Equity Committee believes that with an increased understanding, our organization will be more successful in attracting new members that have had different life experiences than many of our own, which we feel will exponentially increase our ability to be collaborative professionals with an increased depth of empathy that is critical to our work.
I hope you will all engage with the Resource List we have put together which is available on the NYACP website, will attend our upcoming events and join our new Racial Equity Media club, to continue the conversations.
Thanks,
Jessica
Contact: Jessica Rothberg (Chair) [email protected]
Committee Members: Elana Katz, Kate Bar-Tur, Melissa Goodstein, Catherine Canadé, Ken Novenstern, Adam Halper, Carmen Rodriguez
Mission: To Support NYACP members to understand how systemic racism impacts us personally and professionally.
Goals: Provide programs focused on self-reflection and education to more effectively work with clients and colleagues who have been historically excluded from the collaborative process due to race. Through this work, the goal is to create a safer community and to foster membership that more accurately reflects the diversity of the greater New York area.
The Racial Equity Media Club launched on September 21, 2023 with Ava Duvernay's powerful film"13th". The meeting was limited to 10 members who shared their experiences watching the film and shared their own personal stories about race. If you missed this powerful discussion you can watch the documentary on Netflix or for free using this YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krfcq5pF8u8.
Our next meeting of the Media Club v will be on Nov 16th at 5:30 pm ia Zoom to discuss the book White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo. Please look out for an email to register and please join us!
Mark your calendars for the future Media Club meetings in 2024. We are continuing to alternate film and book selections to support conversations about racial equity:
• Jan 18, 2024 05:30 PM
• Mar 21, 2024 05:30 PM
• May 16, 2024 05:30 PM
• June 13th - we will culminate with an in-person event -details to follow.
Please also keep an eye out on your inbox for the Racial Equity Committee's Newsletter and Resource list : "Read This/Watch This and Experience This " by email and on the NYACP website.
We hope you will consider supporting the Racial Equity Committee's mission and in furtherance of its goals:
Read This:
Watch This:
Experience This:
American Folk Art Museum - opens to the public Nov. 15th: Unnamed Figures: Black Presence and Absence in the Early American North, has been noted as a "landmark effort" by Roberta Smith in the New York Times fall preview. As a corrective to histories that define slavery and anti-Black racism as a largely Southern issue, this highly-anticipated exhibition offers a new window onto Black representation in a region that is often overlooked in narratives of early African American history.
Diane Goodman: Webinar- Understanding White Privilege: A Key to Dismantling Systemic Racism. Diane Goodman. Using a participatory approach, she helps people increase their awareness, knowledge, and skills to foster equity and inclusion. Programs address how cultural differences and issues of power and privilege affect individuals, interpersonal relationships, and organizational culture and practices.
Contact: Jessica Rothberg (Co-Chair) [email protected] or Melissa Goodstein (Co-Chair) [email protected]
The Membership Committee has been hard at work. In addition to our ongoing successful Mentor Program, we have instituted monthly lunches in New York City, Long Island and Westchester. Look for the emails and on the website and make sure to attend one to get to know your colleagues in an informal, fun way. In addition, we have a vibrant social events committee that has event planning in the works for the Fall. This Spring we met at the Pier in Manhattan for a fun night of bowling and schmoozing. The Mental Health Professionals started a support group similar to the regional support groups to provide them with an opportunity to share MHP-specific issues and challenges. We are excited to report that we have created working groups to focus on how we can enhance the success of the collaborative process both internally and with public awareness.
Contact: Ellen Jancko-Baken (Chair) [email protected]
Committee Members: Jacqueline Caputo, Ariella Deutsch, Marcos Fernandez, Adam Halper, Andrea Hirshman, Michelle Lewis, Steve Linker, Robert Raymond
The Fall - Winter Mentorship Program is Underway!
Each Mentorship session will run for four months. This session runs from 9/15/23 to 1/15/24 and consists of two one-hour meetings in each of the four months, September - December.
In the first meeting, participants are encouraged you to share a little about their background and how they became involved in collaborative practice, as well their expectations for the program. Based on prior experience, we suggest that the Mentor and Mentee schedule all of their mentorship meetings in that initial meeting, which can then be confirmed or changed as needed. We will send a reminder each month regarding scheduling.
At the end of the session, we plan to have a full group gathering (virtually) on January 17, 2024 from 5 to 6 pm for feedback, discussion and networking. This session is part of the mentorship program.
This program is intended to provide an informal opportunity for newer collaborative professionals to have access to the experience of a more seasoned professional for informal case consultation and advice on business practices. This not a formal training program or apprenticeship. It is up to each Mentor whether they wish to have the Mentee observe, take notes, or otherwise take part in Collaborative meetings.
Thank you to the Mentors for your generosity, and to the Mentees for your interest in further developing your Collaborative practices. Please reach out with any questions, comments or concerns.
Contact: Catherine Canadé (co-chair) [email protected] or Shara Goldfarb (co-chair) [email protected]
If you are a collaborative professional looking to expand your connections with your collaborative colleagues, join us for our bi-monthly meet ups for lunch, coffee, or drinks after work. The NYACP Membership Committee is launching gatherings in Westchester, Long Island and Manhattan to offer an easy way to get to know your collaborative counterparts better with a simple RSVP. These small group (eight person) meet ups will offer a wonderful opportunity to connect with collaborative colleagues you might not already know, share experiences and insights, and learn more about one another both personally and professionally.
Invitations will be sent out by the office for each scheduled meet up, and the first eight NYACP members to register will reserve a spot for the next meet up at a designated time and location. These meet ups offer a great chance to build up you professional and personal network and to find support and encouragement in helping families who have chosen the collaborative process. Don’t miss this opportunity to connect with your peers and get more involved in the NYACP.
Long Island in August - We had a delightful lunch on August 10 at Season's 52. Attended by Jackie Caputo, Stephen Linker, Teresa Ombres, and guest, Jackie Caputo's new associate, and recent law grad with an interest in collaborative divorce, Louisa Portnoy. Great conversation and great food!
Westchester in September - On September 22, a group met at Haiku Bistro (Japanese) in White Plains. Present were Barbara Bel PKF O’Connor Davies LLP, Arnold Cribari Arnold D. Cribari, Attorney at Law, Shara Goldfarb Miller Law Group, Adam Halper Law and ADR Office of Adam J. Halper, PLLC, Steve Kaplan Steven M. Kaplan, CPA, Abby Morss, and Deborah Wayne It was a really nice lunch and the participants thanked us for organizing. The program seems to be a big hit!
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NYACP Eastern Long Island - On September 21, 2023 the East End wing of the NYACP held a convivial collaborative lunch at Waypoint Restaurant in Southold, on the North Fork of Long Island. The attendees were (left to right in the photo): Nancy Kaye, Abby Rosmarin, Bob Raymond, Catherine Canade, Barbara Rothberg, and Chuck McEvily. |
NYC October lunch will be rescheduled for early November - Date/time TBD
NOVEMBER - Western Long lsland
November 14, 2023
12:30-2pm
Spuntino Wine Bar & Italian Tapas
At The Gallery at Westbury Plaza
1002 Old Country Road
Garden City, NY
JANUARY - New York City |
MAY - Westchester |
SEPTEMBER - Eastern Long Island |
Nora Marcus, LMSW is a New York-based social worker, co-parenting specialist, and divorce coach.
No matter the project at hand, the many tenets of her training converge—resulting in compassionate solutions to complex human problems. Through active listening and actionable recommendations, she supports families and individuals as they find choice, voice and purpose throughout their divorce. Nora also works with parents to create sustainable, child-first co-parenting structures and solutions that are unique to their families.
Throughout her career, Nora has dedicated herself to amplifying and helping underrepresented communities. During her tenure with Autism Speaks, she developed programming that set up families for long-term success after an autism diagnosis. Prior to Autism Speaks, she created programming for the Jewish National Fund to engage young adults and foster community and advocacy.
Nora is a co-parent who went through a Collaborative Divorce—an experience she is passionate about replicating for other parents. She believes that divorce doesn’t always have to be contentious—from the very start, it can be focused on the well-being of your children and your new relationship as co-parents.
Nora resides in Long Island with her two children. She is committed to staying grounded and active through daily yoga, meditation, and breath work.
Until Corey Shapiro was 8 years old, he thought he had been born into a family secured by his parents’ happy marriage. They were living in Hawaii—and growing up in Hawaii, as Larry David would say, is “pretty . . . pretty . . . pretty ...good.”
However, his world was flipped upside down when he came home one day from third grade, and his older sister, Brynne, opened the front door and told him that mom wasn’t home. How could that be? Mom was always home. This was as reliable as the sun rising in the morning.
After that, Corey experienced the turmoil of divorce from the inside, as a helpless observer. He couldn’t save his mom from the anguish, bitter fighting, financial hardship, and sleepless nights that came once she walked out. He couldn’t keep her from losing her peace of mind in her divorce—but Corey can help you.
Corey has spent the better part of two decades helping people through their divorces and avoiding the kind of suffering his family went through.
Melissa has been busy chatting it up with two of our most esteemed members, Andy Samalin and Bob Raymond! Watch their conversation and learn a little bit more about your colleagues! If you would like to chat with Melissa, please let us know!
The Survey results suggest that many of our members are not currently involved with the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP). They state that they “don’t see the benefits.” I invite you to reconsider. Participation in IACP's Annual Networking & Educational Forum will expand your Collaborative network, your skills, knowledge, and expertise as a Collaborative professional!
IACP is pleased to invite you to join us in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, to celebrate the 24th Annual Networking and Educational Forum at the Westin Harbour Castle from October 19 to 22, 2023! More details will be released closer to 2023's Forum dates, so make sure you stay connected to IACP by checking your emails and following our social media pages! The theme this year is, Change the Future: Collaborate. NYACP has approximately 15 members attending this year’s Forum. Our own, Dr. Randy Heller along with Florida Attorney, Steven Blumental will be presenting a 3-hour workshop on Managing Team Conflict. Our President, Melissa Goodstein has arranged several activities in order for our members to connect and have some fun in Toronto! Additionally, our organization will be sponsoring the Friday Forum lunch!
Check out the 2023 IACP Forum at a Glance HERE!
Follow this link to hear from our Past President, Ken Novenstern, speaking about his experience attending the IACP Forum: https://youtu.be/HewGPeeG4xY?si=8ooYHg3oxX1eLszn
In nature and in Collaborative Law, there are few things scarier than an avalanche! With the growing Collaborative Law movement, more and more couples head out of the traditional boundaries of court in search of a process that supports their unique needs. In the Collaborative “backcountry”, terrain is neither patrolled by the Court nor controlled by the confines of the law, creating its allure. Beyond the boundaries of the court-system, the ever-looming threat of [emotional] avalanches ending the process is very real. Around our table, the conditions are vastly different from those found within the more regimented confines of a court process and all-knowing Judge. A humbling reminder of human nature, conflict at the Collaborative table, like an avalanche, can easily obliterate anything unfortunate enough to be in its path and risk the successful outcome of the Collaborative Process, and wound professional egos along the way. While the techniques for predicting and avoiding Collaborative avalanches are generally reliable, anyone who ventures into the “backcountry” will never be completely safe from the threat of an avalanche. The goal of this course is to help professionals make an informed assessment of avalanche danger and make smart decisions to minimize the chances of having to deal with an avalanche and know what to do in the event one occurs to dig out from the collapse. Out here, avalanches accommodate no one -- by the time an avalanche is triggered, you’ve already made all the mistakes.
Immediately following our day of learning, join your NYACP colleagues for a fun-filled holiday celebration, networking, and spreading cheer! There will be great food, drink, and music to enjoy! The membership committee is planning some additional activities. Other details to follow.
The NYACP Newsletter is intended to inform you not only about what is going on in your organization. It is an invitation and opportunity for our members to get involved as you strengthen your Collaborative relationships and your practice. Please send information about you, your practice, your activities, and your success to Randy Heller, [email protected].